بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ 

In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful

Foto oleh Miriam Alonso

One of the mornings last week, I woke up with a sudden jolt from the alarm that was blaring. It was either coming from K’s phone or mine and K, almost intuitively, “snoozed” the alarm and went back straight to sleep. So did I.

This pattern then repeated itself, with K and I taking turns to flick the almost desperate cries of the alarms off.  Before we knew it, an hour has elapsed, and thus it began: our frantic morning.

Unfortunately, this scenario is not just a one-off event, and from speaking to some of my closest ones, it’s something that a lot of us struggle with: this negotiation process that you have within yourself, the all too familiar “just 5 minutes more” tug of war between your good conscience and your cheekier counterpart. 

The funny (or sad?) thing is, we actually know that we will be hitting those “snooze” buttons, which is why we often set our alarms every 5 minutes, like this:

This is my 'actual' alarms look like on my phone 😉

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Regretting the hour that I've just wasted, I sat silently while eating my breakfast and wondered about this far-fetched idea of anyone ever being able to just spring or jump out of bed. "Doesn't this just happen in the overly orchestrated morning routine YouTube videos or self-help books?", I asked out loud. And within a split second, Allah placed something in my heart which reminded me of the time where I actually did roll out of bed without the need of an alarm. The times where I actually took extra care to make sure I got my sacred one on one time with Him. The times where I felt excited to sit at my desk and just, write. The times where I use the blessed hours of the morning not being on my phone, but to just... be.

But what happened?

I could give a million reasons, and "snooze" my way out of this too, but who am I kidding? I know that these "reasons" are just excuses, as the truth of the matter is I've just been lazy, and laziness is a disease of the heart. 

With that realisation, I exhaled sharply and made the intention to begin and seize my day. I wanted to acknowledge this deafening "alarm" that Allah has sent me this morning, the one that reminded me of my laziness, and I made a promise to myself to not live my life in a slumber anymore. 

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Lucky for us, our Rabb knows just how sorely we need constant "signs" and "reminders" like the ones I just had so that we can be, and do, better. He will continue to send us regular and periodic "alerts" to snap us out of heedlessness and oblivion out of His Love for us.

But...

If we have been stubbornly "snoozing" His alarms, then chances are, we will not only be wasting hours and hours of our lives "sleeping", but far worse than that, on the Day of Reckoning when we are finally awakened and summoned out of our graves, that frantic panic we will feel will be a million times worse than the frantic morning I just had. 

And I pray none of us will ever be in that state. 

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With every reminder or alarm that Allah sends us, it should stir something in us to promptly spring into action. And it's that immediacy in taking action that will actually ensure us to win in this life and the next, In Sha Allah. Because like they say, "when you snooze, you lose."

One of the best stories that I can share with you about the power of taking immediate action upon Allah evoking something in our hearts, is of Sayyidina Umar RA (and it's one of my personal favourites). His conversion story is a beautiful one, so if you have time, please do read up about it - but here's the gist:

Before Sayyidina Umar RA embraced Islam, he was actually against Rasulullah SAW and had a deep hatred for the message that Rasulullah was trying to spread. He was even on his way to kill Rasulullah SAW when he ran into Na'im ibn Abdullah, who upon knowing Sayyidina Umar RA's intention, said to him, “By Allah, you have been overcome with anger to the extent that you cannot think properly. Oh Umar! Do you think Banu Abd-Manaf will let you remain on this earth if you kill Muhammed?! Why do you not return to your family and arrange your own affairs instead?”

So Sayyidina Umar asked, “What is the matter with my family?”

Na’im ibn Abdullah said, “Your sister’s husband, i.e. your brother-in-law, the son of your uncle Said ibn Zayd, and your sister Fatima, by Allah, they have embraced Islam and they follow Muhammed and his religion.”

Fuming, and feeling extremely betrayed (because he loves his sister a whole lot!), he stormed to his sister's home and upon entering, heard the recitation of the Quran. 

He then asked his sister and her husband Said ibn Zaid RA, “Have you left the faith of your forefathers?” And enraged, he then began attacking his sister and her husband. But when he saw the blood on her sister because of the hurt he had inflicted, he began feeling guilty. He then apologized to his sister and requested to read the words of the Qur’an. His sister then told him to clean himself (as he was going to read the sacred words of God!) and when he was reading the first few verses of Surah Taha, calm descended upon him, and Islam began to enter his heart.

When that happened, Sayyidina Umar RA immediately went to Rasulullah SAW, but now with a grander intention of proclaiming his faith to Islam, instead of his initial plan of actually killing Rasulullah SAW. What a complete 180!

The immediacy that Sayyidina Umar RA had, upon receiving this "alarm" or this reminder from Allah when He first read the verses from Surah Taha, is what inspires me. Imagine if he were to take his time to embrace Islam (i.e. "snoozed")? 

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I pray that may we lose the complacency of delaying our intentions of coming back to Him. I pray that we recognise what immense blessing it is for Allah to consistently send us signs and reminders, because He does this from a place of Love, Mercy and Guidance. And I pray that may we not be from those who turn a blind eye to these signs, nor of the "snoozers", but of the winners, and the early risers, amin.  

Love and prayers always,

A

Singkat cerita, karena sekarang lagi musim-musimnya penyanyi pada konser maka suatu hari di kelas saya sempat membahas hal tersebut bersama anak-anak murid. Salah satu yang kami bahas tentu saja konser Blackpink beberapa waktu yang lalu. Kemudian salah satu anak tiba-tiba nyeletuk, "pingin lho, nonton konser juga."

Lalu saya pun menanyakan, "emangnya kamu suka Blackpink juga?"

"Nggak sih, Umi. Tapi kayaknya seru aja gitu kan semuanya pada nonton."

Seketika saya langsung keceplosan, "eh, beneran ada ya orang kayak gitu?" Dan anak-anak pun bertanya-tanya maksud perkataan saya itu.

Poser, istilahnya. Saya baru tahu setelah beberapa kali postingan tentang istilah tersebut lewat di beranda sosial media. Ternyata istilah itu ditujukan untuk orang-orang yang ikut-ikutan trend hanya supaya diterima oleh lingkungan pertemanan tertentu. Dan seperti yang disampaikan di mana-mana, sepertinya hampir semua orang pernah mengalami masa ketika dirinya menjadi seorang poser.

Saya sendiri dulu pernah berpura-pura suka sama novel 5 cm hanya karena novel itu best seller dan disukai banyak orang. Padahal dalam hati saya waktu baca, sering bosan dengan dialog-dialognya. Tapi waktu itu saya berpikir saya yang salah karena nggak menyukai novel laris. Apakah itu juga termasuk poser?

Sementara kalau urusan musik, bisa dibilang saya termasuk yang punya pendirian 😁. Sejak dulu saya memang punya selera yang beda dengan orang-orang sekitar. Ya walaupun yang saya sukai adalah genre musik yang memang tenar pada masanya; semacam pop-punk/rock tapi tetap saja genre musik seperti itu bisa dibilang nggak pernah diputar di radio-radio kampung.

***

Nah, kembali ke cerita si anak tadi. Saya kemudian mencoba memperjelas pernyataannya. "Kalo misalnya kamu punya uang dan punya kesempatan, kamu mau berangkat nonton konser Blackpink?!"

"Mau lah, Umi." Dengan alasan yang sama seperti yang dia sampaikan diawal, 'kayaknya seru'.

Yang saya pikirkan tentang kejadian itu adalah, ada berapa banyak anak-anak kita sekarang yang punya pola pikir semacam itu? Cerita tentang konser Blackpink tempo hari yang 'katanya' banyak diisi poser-poser dadakan membuat saya mengevaluasi masa muda diri sendiri.

Dulu tahun 2005 Avril Lavigne pertama kali konser ke Indonesia. Seharian saya kepikiran terus sampai nggak semangat untuk ngobrol sama orang. Tapi kalaupun saat itu saya punya uang dan kesempatan untuk pergi nonton konsernya, saya tetap nggak akan berangkat. Kenapa? Karena pada saat itu prioritas utama saya bukanlah hiburan. Kok saya bisa tahu? Karena saya juga bahas hal itu pada saat itu, dengan adik saya.

Ketika memutuskan untuk membelanjakan uang yang banyak, selalu ada pikiran, "is it worth it?" Saya beli album Avril Lavigne yang asli sampai harus menabung berhari-hari karena saya pikir itu sebagai bentuk apresiasi terhadap karyanya, tapi kalau untuk datang ke konsernya saya masih ragu-ragu. "Apakah dia bisa tampil sebagus seperti di rekamannya? Apakah uang sebanyak itu bisa saya belanjakan untuk hal lain yang lebih berguna?" Padahal Avril Lavigne adalah satu-satunya penyanyi yang saya sukai pada saat itu.

Maka ketika mendengar ada orang yang ingin menonton konser hanya karena 'kayaknya seru', saya benar-benar nggak habis pikir. Mau bilang pikirannya dangkal kok kasar banget, tapi saya nggak nemu istilah lain yang bisa menggambarkan kedangkalan pikiran semacam itu. Coba deh pikirin, uang ratusan ribu bahkan jutaan yang bisa untuk makan sebulan (bahkan buat umroh 😩) kamu habiskan hanya untuk melakukan sesuatu yang kamu sendiri nggak tahu, kamu suka atau nggak sama hal itu?! Bahkan untuk urusan kesukaan, kamu sendiri nggak tahu apa yang kamu sukai?! What the hell???? Kok bisa?!

Tapi akan selalu ada alasan untuk ikut melakukan yang orang-orang lakukan. Karena tentu lebih mudah bersama dengan orang banyak daripada sendirian. Hanya saja kalau sampai harus merugikan diri sendiri dan masa depan, (dalam hal ini materi) kok rasanya sayang sekali. Saya sendiri baru berani beli kaos merchandise Linkin Park baru-baru ini karena merasa selama ini kurang mengapresiasi mereka sebagai salah satu musisi yang paling berpengaruh dalam hidup saya. Baru berani pesen jaket ONE OK ROCK dan beli tiket konser online-nya awal bulan Juni mendatang karena yakin bahwa mereka benar-benar sudah merebut hati saya. (Belum checkout sih, tapi sudah fix mau beli nanti setelah gajian) Coldplay? Saya cuma tahu 4 lagunya, jadi bye bye saja lah.

Dan setelah saya pikirkan, ternyata saya yang begitu pemilih ketika menentukan sikap itu sepertinya dipengaruhi salah satunya oleh pola asuh orang tua. Sejak kecil, orang tua saya selalu berpesan untuk 'ojo melu ubyug', yang bisa diartikan 'jangan ikut kerumunan' atau 'jangan suka ikut-ikutan yang dilakukan orang-orang kebanyakan'. Orang tua saya begitu selektif 'memilihkan' teman untuk saya, saking selektifnya sampai-sampai saya cuma boleh temenan sama buku 😂. Setiap kali mengetahui saya mengoleksi sesuatu, mereka selalu menanyakan alasannya. Saya tidak boleh menyukai sesuatu tanpa alasan.

Maka ketika akhir tahun 2020 lalu saya mulai tertarik dengan ONE OK ROCK, dalam pikiran saya refleks muncul pertanyaan 'apa yang membuat band ini istimewa di hati saya?'. Saya pikir itu agak berlebihan, tapi setelah diingat-ingat itu memang sudah kebiasaan yang dibangun orang tua kepada saya sejak kecil. Jangan menyukai atau melakukan sesuatu hanya karena orang lain juga menyukainya atau melakukannya. Kamu harus menyukainya atau melakukannya karena kamu tahu alasan kebaikan hal tersebut.

Dan ternyata ... hal itu juga merupakan ajaran agama Islam. Tentu saja orang tua saya yang nggak bisa baca Alif Ba Ta itu nggak tahu tentang konsep 'Imma'ah'. See? Seorang muslim itu harus punya prinsip, harus punya landasan mengapa dia melakukan sesuatu. Kalau bahasa kerennya, harus tahu ilmunya. 

Dari Abdurrahman bin Yazid, diriwayatkan bahwa ia menceritakan, "Abdullah berkata

'Janganlah kamu sekalian menjadi imma'ah.' Orang-orang yang hadir bersama beliau bertanya, 'Apakah arti imma'ah itu?' Beliau menjawab, 'Yaitu sikap orang yang menyatakan, 'Saya ikut dengan kebanyakan mereka, baik dalam hal yang ada petunjuknya atau pun dalam hal yang tidak ada petunjuknya (kesesatan).' Ingatlah, hendaknya masing-masing diantara kamu menguatkan dirinya, yakni bila orang banyak itu kufur, maka engkau tidak ikut kufur."

Coba pikirkan lagi nasihat di atas. Kalau ikut-ikutan maksiat wajar lah nggak boleh. Tapi nasihat itu juga menyebutkan bahwa kita nggak boleh ikut-ikutan berbuat kebaikan. Intinya, jangan ikut-ikutan kalau melakukan sesuatu. Harus ada alasan pribadinya. Harus tahu kenapanya. Dan hal ini yang saya lihat tidak dimiliki orang-orang, alasan untuk setiap gerakannya. Apa akibatnya?

Orang yang nggak punya alasan untuk tindakannya pasti akan lemah pendiriannya. Hari ini suka A, bulan depan suka B. Sekarang beli C, besok belanja D. Hanya karena melihat orang-orang melakukan atau tidak melakukan sesuatu. Maka penting sekali kita mengenali standar pribadi. Kalau dalam hal selera hiburan misalnya, jenis musik seperti apa yang disukai? Genre film seperti apa yang menurutmu seru? Sarana hiburan apa yang membuat kamu paling bersemangat? Sehingga ketika kamu akhirnya membelanjakan uang untuk hal-hal tersier tersebut, kamu benar-benar berakhir bahagia karena bisa menghilangkan kepenatan dan memuaskan seleramu. Kalau cuma ikut-ikutan, yang ada malah cuma pemborosan karena dirimu yang sesungguhnya bisa jadi nggak mendapatkan haknya karena kamu kasih sesuatu yang bukan kebutuhannya./

Image by Pexels from Pixabay

Assalammualaikum Ladies, 

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I'll do if we ever close, or have to close, AA. I think it's due largely to the fact that some of the people around me have told me that they are either quitting their jobs, changing their roles, or even closing the 16-year old business that they've come to love and cherish. And it affected me because whether we like it or not, we as a society have been led into thinking that what we do as a profession contributes a big part to our identity, and I relate to that because a huge part of what makes me Aida, is this work that I do.

One of the ladies on our AA Plus Community shared something super interesting in our Live Hangouts just last weekend. She said, "if you were to remove your job, and your family and friends, what are you left with? Who are you, outside these titles?" And that stumped me because I've always associated myself with my work; when someone asks me, "So Aida, tell me about yourself", the first thing I'll always say, sometimes shyly, sometimes with pride, "Oh! I'm a writer!" 

So after days of trying to figure out what would I actually do if I cannot write for a living, the first thing that came to my mind was, "I'll clean."

I had a little laugh by myself about my answer, but after giving it a few deep thoughts about it, I realised that the act of cleaning, is not just merely dusting or rubbing off stains in a physical space, it's an act that, when done sincerely, have always led me back to Him. 

I have always loved to clean. The first order of the day before I even sit down to start work will always be to wipe my desk and arrange my books and my accessories. I tell myself, "if you want to do honourable work, honour your working environment." When I'm particularly stressed about something, I'll clean. I'll sweep the floors of my home, I'll clean my windows, I'll wash dishes - and when I clean, I think. I process my thoughts. When I'm pressed for time and I have to choose between working out and cleaning, I'll clean, because I 100% believe cleaning is also another form of cardio lol. I'll also volunteer to clean my closest friends' rooms, because I love to see how happy they are when they walk into a neat and orderly home.

Basically, I'm useless in the kitchen, but I'm your girl when it comes to cleaning up. 

And I've never questioned this love for cleaning or even gave it more than a second thought, but here I am, writing a Love Letter about it to you guys! And I think He has pulled me to do so because He wants me to understand what a blessing it is to be able to clean, as Rasulullah SAW said in a Hadith, "Cleanliness is half of faith (Iman)". (Muslim)

Think about this: before performing our Solah, we have to clean ourselves by doing Wudhu. And this act of cleansing ourselves have so much meaning and significance, if only we reflect. Allah wants us to meet Him in a purified state, and it is also Wudhu that will allow Rasulullah SAW to recognise us in the Day of Judgement because we will radiate light as an effect of our Wudhu. Rasulullah SAW said, "On the Day of Judgment, Allah (swt) will resurrect my nation among other nations while their faces are white and they are bright and this merit is one of the effects of their wudu". Now, this is what I call a real, literal, legit, "glow up" guys, and I pray that we will all have that radiance on that day, Amin. 

Whenever I clean, I always feel like it's a spiritual exercise: as I put things back to its proper place, I realised this is teaching me Adab because Dr. Syed Muhammad al Naquib bin Ali al-Attas defined a person of Adab as she who acts "with justice to ensure that everything is in its right and proper place." It is not the right Adab to have our prayer mat thrown to the corner of a room, or our Quran at the back of a shelf, collecting dust. When I sweep my floor, I imagine myself stripping myself off my worldly attachments. When my home is in order, my heart is less cluttered. Plus there are no words to describe the feeling of smelling freshly dried laundry and plonking yourself on clean fluffy sheets after a long day of work. 

And here's the thing, guys... I think we should all be cleaners. Because someone who cleans is not just someone who polishes windows and tidies up the room, but the one who cleans is she who values herself enough to always want to be in a state of purity and cleanliness - a state that Allah loves. She who cleans is someone who not only remove grimes and stains, but she also strives to wash away anger, ill-thoughts and judgements off of her heart. 

But most importantly, here's the #1 lesson I've learned from cleaning: nothing starts out dirty or becomes rubbish. It's our lack of care, attention and gratitude that has allowed something that used to be so precious to turn into waste. And that could easily be our hearts, our relationships, and of course, our homes, if we do not conscientiously "clean".

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So yes, I guess if I no longer can write for a living, I'll clean. And I'll keep on cleaning till I can write again because I'm sure the only reason why I won't be able to write is because I've allowed my heart to accumulate dust of insincerity, stains of sins, and blotches of arrogance. 

I pray may we always be diligent "cleaners" so that it will allow us to meet our Lord in the most purified, and dignified state, Amin. 

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Love always,

A

Image by Tú Anh from Pixabay

Assalamu'alaikum Ladies,

Today's love letter will be dedicated to my husband, because... well, lately, he's been teaching me a lot of things without him even knowing. And I guess the saying, "you are the average of the 5 people you spend your most time with" is true, as K is the #1 person I hang out with, and he is the biggest influence in my life, whether I like it or not.

Being married to this man has been the biggest catalyst for me to be brave enaough to pursue my purpose, to write, and to serve this awesome Sisterhood that you ladies are in. This quiet, shy man has also been my teacher on many important life lessons, one of which just so happened to be "taught" in our bathroom over the weekend.

So what happened was, K was about to shave his moustache LOL and I jokingly said, "Why are you shaving your moustache? Keep it, I like it!" and without missing a beat he said, "Then you grow one yourself if you like it."

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

I was half-speechless, and half tearing up because I obviously did not expect that from K, and as I tried to oregain my composure to think of a come back, K proceeded to shave his moustache.

I haven't realised it then, but after reflecting on this incident for days (it didn't want to leave my mind 😂), I finally figured out that there's a huge lesson to be learnt from how K replied to my teasing: that because he is so comfortable and firmly rooted in his relationship with himself, he has been unperturbed with other people's false opinions about him and / or their judgements on what he should or should not be doing.

So in the case of me teasing him to "grow his moustache, because I like it" (which for the record, I don't btw), he wasn't the slightest bit swayed by this reasoning because he knows for himself that he doesn't like it on him. He stood by his beliefs.

And this is exactly how I've seen him carry himself firmly throughout our 6+ years of marriage -he has never let anyone's views to influence, affect or distract him from things that he strongly believes in: like his principles, his purpose in life, and his personal matters. When everyone said we should just work normal jobs with our degrees and stop doing this business, he reminded me of our purpose in this world, and cheered me to not give up. Whenever people suggest "quick money-making schemes" for our business or ways to be "more famous", he will just smile and thank them, but in the privacy of our own home would remind me, "never forget our values and principles, Aida. Don't be tempted with these distractions."

This ... is why I envy him. Because he is solid with himself. He keeps his head down, works hard on his own things, and minds his own business. He doesn't worry about competition, he doesn't listen to the gossip-mongers, and he focuses on getting what he wants because it's he himself who wants those things, not because it's what society expects him to want.

Ma Sha Allah.

Another reason why he's always so.... calm, and at peace is because his utmost concern is always just between him and God. Whenever I'm worried about my work, if anyone will like our Classes / Videos / Love Letters - he'll always point out to me to "just do your work for Him. It's always between you and Allah first, and if you focus on that, the rest will follow, In Sha Allah."

Just a few days ago, when a list was given to us of ladies who bought our previous classes on instalment basis but have gone MIA, K again answered, "it's between them and God. We just continue working hard."

Again.... that was another lesson for me. That if someone were to do wrong on us, then trust that Allah is all-Just. We just worry about doing what's right, and what's pleasing to Him, as Allah will always reward us for doing the right things, and He will also be fair in His reckoning.

K also taught me that our primary relationship to take care of should always be between our own selves and Allah. If our priority is to always please Him, to do good for Him, to not be in the way of anyone, to not concern us, then In Sha Allah we will live a very, very peaceful life as our conscience is always clear, and our hearts are always calm.

Come to think about it, K has never panicked in his life, (and then you have me who stresses about a million and one things 😂) and I am eternally grateful that I am able to learn so many things from him, but especially this particular trait of being firm with my principles, to always busy myself with strengthening my relationship with Him, and to mind my own business, which is also one of the most important Sunnahs of Rasulullah SAW as Abu Hurayrah RA narrated that the Messenger of Allah SAW said, "A sign of one's excellence in his Islam, is leaving that which does not concern him." [Ahmad, Malik & At-Tirmidhi]

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Before I end today's letter, I just want to say that before any of you start saying I am biased, I will be the first to tell you that I am absolutely aware of K's flaws and weaknesses. But I myself have a long list of mw own, and today... I'd just like to be grateful for the good, and to tell him "thank you". <3

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I pray that may we all lead more peaceful, calmer lives - one that is only focused on pleasing our Creator, and not His creations.

Love and prayers always,

A

Saya pikir, setelah beberapa hari di Padang pikiran saya akan jadi lebih cerah dan bisa melihat dunia dengan lebih indah. Tapi ternyata pengalaman perjalanan saya tetap tidak berubah, padahal kami sengaja memilih jalan yang sedikit beda dengan waktu berangkat. Sampai akhirnya ketika mampir di masjid yang gambarnya saya ambil di atas ini, saya sempatkan untuk menyampaikan uneg-uneg kepada suami.

"Perasaanku aja atau memang jalanan yang kita lewati rasanya kotor terus ya?"

"Memang kotor."

Lega banget rasanya perasaan saya dikonfirmasi sama suami. Bahkan dia menambahkan, "Dari sekian banyak pom bensin yang kita singgahi cuma 1 yang kamar mandinya nyaman." 

"Dan semua pom bensin yang kita singgahi bahkan cuma dilihat dari depan aja rasanya udah nggak bersih. Masjid ini aja, tadinya kupikir bakal kayak Masjid Taqwa Metro. Tapi ternyata kamar mandinya, Subhanallah..."

"Kamar mandi laki-lakinya mending sih,"

"Oh,..." Saya bersyukur dalam hati. Setidaknya ada hal bagus yang dirasakan suami saya, walaupun saya nggak bisa ngerasain.

Mungkin kalau ada yang baca tulisan ini akan berpikir serajin dan sebersih apa saya sampai mengeluhkan sampah dan kejorokan tempat umum selama perjalanan ke Padang 😁. Well, saya aslinya juga nggak rajin-rajin amat kok orangnya. Suami saya yang orangnya rajin. Saya cuma mau menyampaikan apa yang saya rasakan selama perjalanan. Dan kebetulan itu yang saya rasakan. Jadi, mau bagaimana lagi?

Dan untuk perbandingan, saya sudah beberapa kali ke Jawa. Sejak masih kecil sampai terakhir adalah tahun lalu. Sementara di Sumatera, selain Lampung daerah yang pernah saya kunjungi ya cuma kota Palembang. Jadi, ketika melakukan perjalanan ke Padang, mau nggak mau saya otomatis membandingkan pengalaman tersebut dengan perjalanan yang pernah saya tempuh ke Jawa. Sayang sekali rasanya melihat jalanan yang dipenuhi sampah plastik berserakan bahkan sampai bertumpuk seperti itu.

***

Satu yang saya syukuri dari perjalanan ini, meskipun nggak nyaman di jalan tapi suasana di Bukittinggi benar-benar nyaman. Walapun saya nggak suka masakan Padang, tapi Alhamdulillah masih bisa nemu sayuran di sana. Dan lagi, kami nggak perlu keluar biaya selama perjalanan. Punya suami bungsu memang benar-benar banyak menangnya 😂.

is it necessary to include lgbtq+ representation in every film?

 بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ 

10 tahun yang lalu, tepatnya tanggal 2 April 2013 saya membuat sebuah tulisan cukup panjang tentang gambaran kehidupan yang saya cita-citakan di usia saat ini. Ketika membaca ulang, saya merasa bersyukur bahwa blog lama itu tidak saya hapus. Saya jadi bisa refleksi sambil introspeksi dari kesalahan-kesalahan yang pernah saya lakukan, sekaligus menertawakan kenaifan anak muda berusia 20-an itu. Sungguh, membaca tulisan itu membuat saya sadar bahwa mimpi-mimpi yang saya tuliskan itu benar-benar sebuah harapan kosong yang langsung terlupakan segera setelah dituliskan. Dan sekali lagi saya bersyukur tidak menghapusnya, karena pada tahun 2017 kalau tidak salah saya baru disadarkan kembali tentang cita-cita itu lalu mulai berusaha membangunnya sedikit demi sedikit.

Lalu, 10 tahun kemudian apa yang terjadi?

Nothing, 😂. Well, actually so much happened in the last 10 years in my life. So, saya akan coba mengurai semua kekacauan ini dalam sebuah tulisan yang mudah-mudahan cukup mudah untuk dicerna.

Pada dasarnya, cita-cita saya cukup --cukup buat saya-- sederhana. Saya hanya ingin jadi ibu rumah tangga. Tinggal di rumah yang sederhana, dan punya 4 anak di usia ini. Yang terakhir ini, saya menyerah 😑. Faktanya, Alhamdulillah kami sudah punya rumah walaupun belum ditinggali. Dan malah mengontrak rumah yang jauh lebih baik dari rumah milik kami sendiri. Saya gagal jadi ibu rumah tangga, tapi masih berusaha memperjuangkannya. Dan kami memutuskan untuk bertahan dengan 2 anak terlebih dahulu, karena ternyata memiliki anak membutuhkan energi yang sangat besar. Bukan hanya secara finansial, tanggung jawab menjadi orang tua ternyata tidak sesederhana yang kami pikirkan. Dengan banyaknya tantangan di zaman ini, kami belum yakin bisa membentengi anak-anak kami dengan sebaik-baik bekal. Jadi, Alhamdulillah Qia dan Aqsha sekarang tumbuh jadi anak baik dan pengertian kepada orang tuanya.

Selanjutnya, ternyata saya sama sekali tidak punya kemampuan untuk menjadi manager keluarga 😆. Bahkan kami berdua adalah sama-sama orang yang kacau hidupnya. Tapi tidak apa-apa, selama kami saling memahami InsyaAllah semua akan baik-baik saja. Hahaha.... Setidaknya cita-cita memiliki perpustakaan pribadi sudah terwujud dan mudah-mudahan bulan Juli nanti saya bisa melancarkan program baca buku intensif untuk bisa mewujudkan program saya mandiri dari rumah 💪.

Dan dengan keadaan saya 10 tahun belakangan ini, sejujurnya saya agak sanksi apakah bisa menularkan hobi membaca buku kepada anak-anak. Karena ternyata curiosity tidak bisa diwariskan. Qia jelas anak yang cerdas, tapi saya belum bisa mengajak dia menyukai buku. Sejauh ini saya baru bisa menunjukkan kepadanya bahwa ibunya suka membaca. Memberi teladan bahwa belajar sangat menyenangkan. Dan mudah-mudahan suatu saat dia mau mengambil buku-buku yang sudah saya belikan dan membacanya, lalu adiknya akan menirunya.

Menulis, membaca dan menghafal Al-Quran akan jadi proyek utama setelah saya resign nanti. Bahkan bukan hanya menulis Al-Quran, saya harus mengajarkan hal lain kepada mereka karena ternyata semua ilmu itu tidak bisa saya limpahkan kepada sekolah. Kadang-kadang saya heran, bagaimana bisa biaya sekolah sekarang sangat mahal tapi tidak bisa mengajarkan hal-hal penting mendasar secara tuntas kepada anak-anak kita? 

Tentang bisnis dari rumah atau membuka toko buku, saya sudah tidak menginginkannya lagi. Saya ingin fokus saja pada komunitas yang sudah saya bangun sejak 2021 dan berharap akan ada benefit yang saya dapatkan nanti. Tentang melanjutkan kuliah, saya pun masih ragu. Keinginan tentu saja masih ada, tapi apakah saya masih membutuhkannya? Karena saya sudah tidak ingin lagi menjadi dosen. Hanya saja, sekarang minat saya malah ingin belajar bahasa. Sejauh ini saya sudah mendapat banyak resource untuk belajar bahasa Arab, Jepang dan Mandarin. Mungkin suatu saat saya bisa menguasai bahasa-bahasa tersebut dan mendapatkan manfaatnya.

Yang terakhir, menjadi guru Al-Quran. Faktanya saya memang menjadi guru Al-Quran sejak lulus kuliah, tapi ternyata setelah 10 tahun menjalaninya saat ini saya sampai pada keputusan bahwa bekerja di sekolah bukanlah ide yang bagus untuk saya. Terlalu banyak kontradiksi yang saya rasakan dan akhirnya malah membuat saya banyak dosa kalau memaksakan diri untuk bertahan. Mungkin lain kali akan saya tuliskan juga tentang hal ini.

Jadi, 10 tahun kemudian... Seperti inilah hidup saya. Sedang berusaha membangun kehidupan yang lebih baik walaupun sulit. Saya punya deadline sampai bulan Juni untuk merencanakan masa depan, and I can't wait to pursuit my hapiness.