You; 3 Desember 2019

by - Agustus 31, 2021

 


// i wrote this letter for myself but i'm sharing this with the hopes
that it might make anyone else feel a little less alone //

Dear you, 

Thank you for trying your best today. 
I know how hard it must be, trying to make sense of it all, especially when time is scurrying past you, and every day you get further and further away from where you actually want to be. But you pulled yourself out from hebetude, and you showed up. Even at 8 pm when it was much easier to throw in the towel and say "day's gone anyway", you got up, splashed some water on your face, and you got down to work. So yes, thank you for trying your best today. 

Thank you for being your own friend today.
You spend a lot of time on your own. Some nights it gets so quiet and unbearably lonely that you cry yourself to sleep. But within this gentle lull of silence, you realised that you now get to hear your own voice. A voice that has been so desperate to reach out, but have been drowned by the noises and clutter of this world. At first, you resisted and fought against it. But one by one, He sent everyone away so that you could be with the only company you need. And with His grace, you started giving yourself the chance to get to know the only person who will ever be with you in every painful, beautiful, nerve-wrecking, bewildering phases of your life. You also will soon realise how dandy you actually are, but you will also acknowledge the human-ness of your own being: that sometimes you mess up and have no idea what in the heavens you are actually doing with your life. But that's cool - because now you have you. You are your own advocate and you are your own cheerleader and when your roots are deep, there is no reason to fear the wind. So thank you for anchoring yourself, and for being your own friend today.  

Thank you for forgiving today. 
There was once you asked, "when will all this pain end?" The hurt swallowed you up like a reckless fire savouring a helpless piece of wood. Today you finally realised the answer; that you choose when the pain ends.  While it is easier said than done, you still know in your heart of hearts that you can never heal and move forward if you don't make the decision today to forgive and let go. So thank you for forgiving today - you forgive not because you condone the act or the behaviour, but you forgive so that you stop destroying your own heart. 

Thank you for choosing gratitude today.
It is so easy to play the victim and blame everyone and everything when nothing is going your way. It's even easier to compare and complain. But "grass will always be greener where you water it", and you've realised that where you focus your energy on, grows. Which is why you've been counting your blessings - big, tiny, small, epic - all of them, regardless the "size". And this powerful act has changed your world. So thank you for not waiting for "joy" to happen before you choose to be grateful. Thank you for choosing gratitude so that it makes you joyful instead. <3

Thank you for speaking to Him today. 
I will leave the conversations you have with Him private, as it should always be, but thank you, for spending a bit of time with the One who loves you most. If you only know how much He misses you when you drift away and get too busy to have these on-on-one conversations with Him. So please don't go too far and chase the mirage of this temporary world and forsake your forever, ok?

Thank you for doing the heartwork today.
The path back to Him is a wonderful one, but some days you can falter and lose your bearings and directions. Not every day will you feel a spiritual connection, let alone a high. Missed prayers, times wasted, bad company - it's a struggle. But heart work is hard work and for every good intention, humble attempt, and sincere seeking of Him, Allah will guide, send help, and reward. Just remember that there is always sweetness in the struggle, so keep striving just like you did today, will you?

Most of all, thank you for choosing you today.
Thank you for getting up today, and choosing to live. Thank you for seizing this temporary gift of life that Allah has bestowed onto you to do something good. Thank you for choosing growth over grief, hope over despair, and trust over contempt. You've been such a warrior because of all the fighting you've done against yourself, but you now know that it's time to finally be your own ally, and I can't wait to see how much your life will completely transform now that you've started choosing yourself. :) So thank you.

-

My dear, it is my own fault that I don't say this enough, but again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you, dear self. I promise to take better care of you and to work hard with you to be on His path, till the day we finally get to return to Him. Amin. 

I love you,
a.



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